Relationships

Relationships challenge our lives. They are both rewarding and frustrating. I never understood what it meant when I would hear couples or friends say that relationships take a lot of work. It never really was clear what this meant. Work at what?

Well, I am now understanding more and more what this work is all about. Working in a relationship means communicating. Openly and honestly what it is you want and expect from the other person. Communication at this level almost never happens. There is a reason, perhaps discomfort or that this person you love has a major character flaw and then what?

Many relationships rock along because we don't want to communicate at this level. We want to be halfway. We feel that our life partner will judge us or believe that our needs or requests are invalid. Yes, these things maybe true, but then what? Do we seek to have this person we love understand our requests and needs? Or do we just stay silent hoping the whole issue will just blow over. I have never done things halfway. I tolerated a situation for a long time because of my understanding where my partner was coming from, but when I asked for the same understanding for my needs the requests fell on deaf ears.

Give and take. Sharing and understanding. None of us are perfect and what we need and want out of a relationship needs to be validated by our partner as well as I need to validate what my partner needs. Then somehow in the midst of this, I need to maintain my own separate identity. Phew!! Boy - I totally know now why relationships are work. Being emotionally available to myself and to my partner takes a great deal of energy and sacrifice. Plus, where is that the line that says okay, this is for us and now this is for me?

Working these details out early in a relationship can establish a mode of communication that can serve you throughout your lives together. If communication, open and honest sharing isn't established early, then it will be almost certain death for the relationship.

Please share how you and your partner communicate and work out the details of your relationship. We all can benefit from the different ways that relationships work.

Until tomorrow,
Mary Catherine George

LifeChoices Coach