Expectations

Gathering the entire family together to celebrate the unique quality of what everyone brings and shares can be exciting. I come from a very, very large family. It can be nice, but it can be overwhelming.

I have mentioned that I live a very different lifestyle from almost everyone in my family. The expectation is that I bring my talents to share immediately at this family gathering.

I enjoy and dread this experience. I am sure you as well have some joy and dread about your family celebrations. Meeting the upspoken expectations of others can be challenging. As an artist, I perform in a particular way that is quite different then what my family recalls. They remember a young girl who sang at weddings and funerals. So, of course, they want me to repeat this so that we can all have a shared experience both one of remembering and one that keeps me in the delegated place in the collective mind of my family.

Meanwhile, who I am as an artist is far removed from what I was twenty + years ago. Expectations are a funny thing. They are beliefs that are focused on the future. I also, have unspoken expectations for myself. My unspoken expectations are: 1) "I need to eat healthy when I am with my famdily." I need to look successful - whatever that means. I must check in with my work while I am with my family. As I started to think about this issue, it made me realize that maybe these were not realistic expectations.

Expectations can be traps. Especially, if they are ones we don't readily recognize. Have you thought about what you expect from yourself when you are in a relationship? at work? with your family? I know my sister has an expectation of herself to never leave the kitchen dirty. My brother that he can never say "no" to a patient who needs his help. Cetain expectations can be a good thing, we expect the best effort from ourselves and others. Does this always happen? I believe giving this issue definitely deserves some thought.

Perhaps, my expectations are not realistic. Or maybe they need to be more outrageous or connected to my dreams. Perhaps, I shouldn't have any expectations.. sometimes it is useful to just be in the moment to allow access to opportunities that we wouldn't see because we are focused on expected outcomes. Hmm, perhaps letting go of expectations could be freeing and create a new experience. Maybe this time instead of meeting the expectations of others, I will compromise and somehow find some middle ground. Anything is possible, if I am willing to choose to stand for what I want for myself. How about you??

Please share if you have struggled with either self expectations or the expectations of others.

Thanks,
Mary Catherine George

LifeChoices Coach