Making Mistakes

Making a mistake can be an awful experience. I know that I have suffered when I have made mistakes in the past. Typically, it is because I haven't stopped to really listen or understand what is expected or what is being communicated.

I learned this lesson in a very difficult way. I learned that sometimes when I communicate with others I use language that can be overly optimistic. Others could perceive what was being said as definite. I believed that my statements included language that offered hope, possibilities and validation. Unfortunately, my statements were perceived as offering specific expectations which I don't necessarily have control over. It was only after a friend of mine pointed out this issue when I was discussing my confusion over this miscommunication.

It was during this discussion with my friend that I became aware that my emphatic and positive statements were misconstrued and misinterrpreted to mean that I could provide definite outcomes. I was confused as to why this happened. With my friends assistance, we reviewed the comments and statements I had made. They were heartfelt, they could imply that I did had some perceived power to impact an outcome. That I was so hopeful in my language choices that it gave the impression that the person involved didn't have to do anything and they would be expecting exactly what I was hoping would happen.

WOW!! This was truly an eye opener for me. I had no idea that my offering hope and encouragement would somehow give an impression that the outcome of what I was saying would definitely happen. Now, truly I do believe that all things are possible, but some things do not work out as we would like them. I was blamed for the outcome never happening. The expectations of the other person were crushed.

Clearly NOT something I would intend to happen to anyone. Now, I need to think through statements of encouragement and possibility. I need to temper them with language choices that don't imply that somehow I have anything to do with any specific outcome. This felt horrible to realize about myself. My intentions are good but perhaps how I phrased the support was not the best.

Self evaluation can be difficult. Now that I am aware of this issue and it isn't pleasant to know I have disappointed people, I can seek to change. Awareness is the greatest tool for creating change. No matter how unpleasant, knowing that you have friends and colleagues or a coach who will give you direct information, no matter how hard to hear, about how you are doing is wonderful. It take courage to ask for feedback and to receive it.

When did you become aware of some behavior or attitude that didn't serve you? When was the last time you stepped back and took a self evaluation of where you are and consider what things could be improved? No matter how difficult it is the growth is definitely work all the discomfort.

Until tomorrow,
Mary Catherine George

LifeChoices Coach